BatB - More Than Just a TV Show

I woke this morning feeling positive about many things.  No matter the day’s lesson to learn, or tribulation that would surface, in reflection of the day’s events I know I always try to find something good, something that I want to remember and sometimes, something to reflect on that has taught me a new life lesson.

Already this morning I know that although I am currently sitting at home because I don’t feel all that great, I am and was at home to get the news that my favorite TV show is coming to an end and would not be renewed for a 5th season.  Although the show ending devastates me beyond what many would call reason, the positive is that I am home and that I get to process what this actually means to me and my life. 

Many of you may think, so what!  It’s a television show, it’s happened before and it will happen again and just get over it but, this is where I believe that not to be true.  This TV show was more than just people acting out characters on a screen, bringing to life whatever story line was written for that episode.  This show introduced me to a whole other world that I would never have known existed without it.

Through it, I have “met” some people that will be lifelong friends.  People whom have always shown me love and support.  They guided me, advised me, inspired me and have been there for me.  We have disagreed, agreed, drooled, dreamed and fantasized about the story lines and chemistry of the actors on our screen.  We have bounded together and fought for the show that everyone said was not worthy of renewal but we fought together and managed to get a 4 season show.  I didn’t necessarily agree with the plot lines of the show and sometimes I totally disagreed with the arch of a characters story, but…. Regardless of what was happening in this fantasy world, my real world was still knocking on my door and at times, bulldozing it to the floor.

Had it not been for this TV show, I don’t know that I would have been able to make it through this year as “positively” as I have.  It is amazing to know that all I have to do now is sit at my computer and there are a number of people that I can reach out too. It doesn’t matter what time it is or whether I am dressed up to the nines or wearing trackies (sweats), I have friends that are 24 hours a day there for me.  I don’t know if there are many people that can say that.  If it weren’t for this TV show, the support that has helped me through this year would never have existed.  Where would I be now if that were the case?

Throughout this year I have received flowers, notes, gifts, little emoticons waving at me or sending me hearts in private messages, I have had messages of support, words of wisdom and encouragement that whatever I was experiencing at the time would pass.  And it’s true, I have learned that time is an amazing thing as it enables us to step away, analyse and rethink, but the love and support from the people sending the messages to me never wavered over time and remained my constant. 

Sometimes I have felt unworthy of the friendships and felt that it has totally been one sided for them.  They are always there for me, but was I there for them?  For this I am truly sorry and I want them to know, that regardless of what is going on in my life, good, bad, ugly or indifferent, that I will always be there to return to them, what they have previously and unselfishly given to me.  I don’t want one sided friendships, I want to be like VinCat and overcome life’s tribulations together, supported and encouraged always. 

When I first got the news that my TV show was going to end, I asked myself these questions; what do you to when your world goes dark and you feel that your soul is being ripped from your heart?  When something that has helped you through a tough time is gone, not returning and now I feel like am going to fall apart again.  What now, will be my anchor in the storm of my life and what do I do now that my secret fantasy world on which I have found inspiration to write again will be gone?  Is it worth me ranting and raving at all that this is just so wrong that a TV show that bought about the rebirth in the belief that love does exist for us and united people around our world’s globe, gave us all something in common and many of us somewhere to call home on the fan pages, is coming to an end?

I’ve lost a lot this year in all different aspects of my life.   I have reached the highest of highs but then struggled with my own truth and found myself in the depths of despair.  I have questioned my very existence and the meaning of my life and even asked myself am I happy.  I have questioned my worth, my values, my beliefs, my understanding and my motives.  I have even questioned my ideals, and at times my memories.  I have doubted everything about what I believed was the essence of the person I have become over the years. 

I have realized that it doesn’t matter what was in my past, it doesn’t matter where I went wrong, or where I may have made a good or a bad decision.  It doesn’t matter if my memories are based on fact or fiction, or even if they are different from another who saw the same event remembers it.  It doesn’t matter if I have millions in the bank or struggle to find 5 cents at the end of every pay cycle and it certainly doesn’t matter if I have nice nails and perfectly plucked eyebrows.  It doesn’t matter what came before this very minute.  All that matters, at the end of the day, is that I stay positive and believe that with love, support, guidance and for being open to learning from every person that has come into my life including those from BatB, that anything is possible. 

BatB was a television show, in essence that has enabled me to look back, reflect, improve or remodel myself.  I may have an amazing support system when it comes to my family and the awesome man in my life, but they aren’t always awake, and sometimes, they don’t want to listen because they believe they have heard it all before.  Truth be known, they probably have.  Sometimes it is because they know me so well, that they can be prejudiced in our interactions, in their advice and in their unconditional love for me.

I feel that through living my life as honestly and as passionately as I can, that I am living.  It doesn’t matter how I met you or even if I have only ever spoken to you via a message on a computer screen, I feel that you are now a part of me.  You are all a piece of me that makes me the person I am.  I have listened to your words of encouragement, reflected on your words of wisdom and reciprocated your words of love and support and I am so much more because of each of you.

But with the end of this TV show that has given me so much, my biggest hope is that I remember the things I have learned about myself and that I don’t lose those amazing people that I have found.  I can’t express exactly what each of you mean to me and I can’t express, although totally devastated by the loss of our show, just how much I look forward to continue sharing our lives with each other.  I can’t wait for the next chapter.  We will always have our TV show to remind us that passion is good, that love is worth believing in and that fighting to stay together means that you can accomplish anything.  BatB has rekindled my love for writing, my desire to be worth fighting for and the understanding that my hopes and dreams for a better tomorrow can be realized. 

It may have only been a TV show, but it has been one of the greatest lessons in my life thus far. It has taught me so many things about myself.  It reminded me that I can be passionate and that passion can be exciting.  I can fight for what I believe in and I can be…, all and anything that I want to be.  Because of the show’s essence and realization of destiny and because of the friendships that have been born from falling in love with a TV show and sharing that love with like-minded people, Beauty and the Beast (2012) will always be more than just “a TV Show” to me.