Self Sabotage and Pizza

This is what happens when I eat Pizza.  And I KNOW this.  So why do I do this to myself, knowingly?

I’m holding on for dear life

There’s nothing I can do

Rocking back and forth whispering STOP

It’s ok, this is something I’ll get through

The pain is ripping me in half

I am blinded by it and feeling sick

The only thing I know how to do

Is just rock back and forth as I sit

My legs are weak, thank god I’m sitting

And sweat breaks out on my brow

I feel myself being torn in two

I just have to get through this some how

There is nothing I can do at all,

The pain is so intense I want to be sick

I need to grab hold of something

The darkness is coming too quick

A spasm hits me, God it’s intense

Breathe in, breathe out, just breathe

It’s like I could forget about breathing and

Blacking out would be such a relief

But I have to stay here and endure

It will be over soon, of this I am positive

Relief comes closer as time passes

And my body has nothing left to give

I lay back down, I think it’s over

But the pain niggles as I try to sleep

Within a few minutes, the flood of pain is back

So intense, I can do nothing but weep

I ride the wave, I crash back down

I pray for the moment the pain fades away

I rock back and forth whispering STOP

The pain, the agony, I just don’t want to play

Another wave, another spasm

I am lost as to where I can go from here

I just continue my rocking back and forth

Knowing that soon I’ll have nothing to fear

I don’t know how long this will last

Time between each wave is lengthening now

So maybe I will go and lie down

And try as hard as I can, to sleep somehow

©Janeen Hayes 2015