The Tone Behind the Written Word

In today’s times with social media, instant access and other such immediate forms of communication, one of the easiest things to do is misunderstand the tone intended behind the written word.  Personally, I put this down to a number of reasons, such as but not limited to….

      1.      On occasion, having never actually met the person I am corresponding with, I don’t know or understand how they speak.  I don’t know how they emphasise things, where they may shrug their shoulders or roll their eyes or nod in agreement.  Communication is so much more than words on a piece of paper.

      2.      I remind myself that for some people with whom I interact, English is their second sometimes third language and although I see they write very well, (in some cases better than an actual native English speaker, and let me state here, when I say “native English speaker”, I mean someone that has English as a first language) it is possible, that as a person where English is the only language I speak, I may not use a turn of phrase that some who isn't a native English speaker would – which in turn would cause me to misinterpret what is being said.

      3.     External events on any given day.   They can cloud someone’s ability to accurately say what they really want to say; or interpret what is being said.  Something big could be happening in their lives and what is being said may not be something that would be normally be reacted to.

      4.       We are talking opinions here. 

  

      5.       Self-defence or human nature.

I think, as a society we are mostly instantly reactive.  By this I mean, someone may read this and vehemently disagree with me.  That being the case, I would expect that person to write a scathing response to my “article”.  They may even accuse me of being uneducated and assumptive; or accuse me of not possessing the qualification in which to support my opinions.  They would be correct in that assumption but only I know that.  Then, someone might jump in to agree with me and write a return comment that defends me and my personal opinions.   

But, it is okay that the first person reacts as they did and sends the scathing response.  Well, firstly that person doesn’t know me so they would not be ‘informed’ as to my intention behind writing this blog or the tones in which I am using (albeit in my head) while writing this.  They wouldn’t understand that I am writing this with a questioning tone rather than “a know it all” one.  Unless I told you that would you know the tone that I am using here?

I am constantly reminding myself that people I interact with every day are not all native English speakers.  Sure, some people may write with a better phrase or sentence structure than some of whom have been speaking the language since birth…. but…. English is their second language.  So where I would write ‘I want to go and get a drink’, someone whose first language isn't English may write, ‘I get drink’, or ‘Drink get now I have.'  And all of this is very relevant because as a native English speaker but with an understanding of who I am communicating with, I can appreciate the difference in the sentence structure.  Someone who doesn’t take the time to remember see these things, may look at the persons writing and think, (I don’t think this personally) ‘what is wrong with you, are you so stupid that you can’t even write properly?’  With that thought in someone’s head, responses then come from a different place, a different attitude if you will.

As you all know, (I do know I am not alone here) I have been going through some pretty tough, emotional situations of late.  Because of this, I know, that I am more likely to over react at the moment.  My temper is shorter and my ability and capacity to process other peoples meaning or intention is very much reduced at the moment.  During times of high stress, what I usually do is try to not react.  In fact, I try to do the complete opposite.  I walk away then come back later rather than fight a cause that I really don’t have clear in my head.  I live by a creed (one of many) 'Never make a permanent decision or statement that is clouded by a temporary feeling or circumstance' ©.

It is very common and a very human trait that we defend our opinions.  In doing so though, we forget that people are just as entitled to disagree with our opinion and voice their own as ‘we’ were to state our opinion in the first place.  Why then, do we get so defensive when this happens?  Personally, I always try to be open to hearing someone else’s point of view, or opinion.  I don’t always agree and quite often I can’t even understand the point of view, but I never stop someone from voicing it.  I also, NEVER consciously take an opposing opinion personally.  Even if someone is responding to me and “talking” directly to me, I never take it personally.  There is this very simple phrase, that I think should be ingrained into everyone whether they are native English speakers or not and that is….. “Let’s agree to disagree agreeably and move on.”

Personally I believe, it should always be okay for someone to voice opinion and it should always be okay to have someone disagree with it.  In every situation or circumstance, people see the same event through different eyes and will mostly not retell the event the same way.  So, when there can be no voice to hear, no body language to be seen and no way of watching the expressions of the written word, can I suggest you try to remember this;  If you think someone is attacking you, stop, take a breath before reacting because you cannot hear the tone.  And of course, there is always the option of asking someone if they are angry with you rather than you assume they are. 

Maybe, the opposed voice of opinion is simply just that, an opposed opinion that is being told with an unheard tone, behind the written word.