Saying Goodbye

Let me premise this by saying, this one is just for me.  It is sad and it may be morbid, but I just had to get it out.  So, if  you don't want to read any further, I totally understand.  But if you do.... Thanks

I am sitting at my computer

With headphones over my ears,

But even though the music is playing

There is really no sound I hear.

I am not really listening to the tunes,

And I can’t really hear any words

Because I’m not really hearing the music

Don’t worry, I know this sounds absurd

Have you ever been in a time and place

But felt totally disconnected

Seen an event before your eyes

But if asked to, you couldn’t recollect it

Have you ever travelled from here to there

And wondered how you got there later

Because you don’t remember the way you went

The traffic or even the journey for that matter

Have you ever looked back over the week

And thought to yourself, OMG how time has past

But thought how it seemed that only yesterday

You were thinking, can the weekend get here fast

Have you ever wondered why your tears are silent

But that silence can speak a thousand words

And how a bubble can float into the air

Unless someone pops it first

Have you ever thought how on earth can I go on

And then something unexpected opens your mind

It’s like you wake up from a conscious coma

But things are so bright you’re almost blind

Have you ever lived in a world of denial

Said to someone, I’m fine, when you’re really not

And told someone, don’t worry about me

But realised later, you’re a lying twat?

Have you ever wanted to talk about something

But you’re scared of sounding like a broken record

Constantly getting stuck on that one track

Not able to move forward?

Have you ever been lost for words

But not able to remain quiet

Have you ever sat in a room that is silent

But all you hear is a riot.

I have

These are all the things that happen

When my mind just won’t shut down

It’s when my voice inside my own head

Just keeps talking round and round

And it’s when my mind does these things

Keeps thinking of all that needs to be done

Of all the things I need to say

To that very special someone

His time is coming soon now, it’s so close

I will get my chance, my moment in time

I will say to him, Dad I love you

And thanks for being mine.

Thanks for making me laugh, and cry

Thanks for being my pillar of strength

But it’s ok to shut your eyes now

You don’t need to go extraordinary lengths

You can rest, you can be at peace

You can leave this place of pain

And you can be with your loved ones

Wrapped in their loving arms again.

Heaven is calling you Angel, My father

I love you and forever will

But I don’t want you to hang on anymore

I don’t want you to be so ill

Go now Dad, don’t fight anymore,

And know, we know you didn’t give up

Sometimes fighting to stay is harder

Because you will leave the ones you love

But we will be fine, don’t worry now

Close your eyes and let your eternal sleep begin

Because watching you suffer as much as you are

Is really doing my head in.

But it’s not that I want you to leave at all

And I am not saying that I want you gone

I just want you to be at peace and pain free Dad

For you, that’s all I want

©Janeen Hayes 2015