Love Language

I have an absolute awesome man in my life and he is almost perfect except,  when it comes to romance.  I don't think the poor love would even know what a rose looks like.  But that's okay with me now.

I used to be the girl who thought she wanted full on romance.  Surprise dinners, secretly organised weekends away, flowers every now and then, the romantic song dedications, brushing of my hair, the snuggles on the couch while we watch a romcom..... and I remember vividly asking my mum in heaven to make sure she sent me a man that could make me laugh.  I remember thinking after I met Steve, thanks Mum, he is perfect, we laugh everyday..... but should I have asked for more?

What is romance? Is it the flowers, weekly restaurant dinners, the secret little notes and the entwined limbs lounging on a couch?  Is it the phone call every day, or a text every hour you are apart? Is it a rose on my pillow and breakfast in bed? 

Initially, the romance between my partner and I was all about not being able to get enough of each other.  Sneaking away for a 5 minute tryst or a long love making session that involved laughing and play fighting for top position.  It was fun, it was amazing, it was the time of my life, or so I thought.

As time goes by and the one year rolls into another, the passion fades a little as the aching back, the headache, the bad day at work, the "why can't you put an empty container in the bin" and all the little things start to become big things that annoy you.   Hours turn into days turn into weeks and on occasion turn into months without intimacy.  Thoughts start to wander, if we don't do "it" soon is he going to look for another way to release that doesn't involve me, but does involve a diminishing bank account or working late becomes a "habit".  If we don't spend more intimate time together is he going to start thinking that he doesn't love me?  Why does he want to play golf each day over the weekend instead of spending time with me?  OMG am I loosing him?

The short answer is no.  Not even close.  I was looking for him to show me love the way I expected it to be given to me.  I expected the dinners, the candlelit love sessions with the scented candles.  I wanted flowers and perfumes and weekends away, I wanted to be shown love demonstratively.  As it turns out, materially.  I wasn't looking for the signs of "his" love.

Then I learned about love language and how just because I wasn't getting what I thought represented love and romance the way I thought I should, didn't mean I wasn't getting it at all.  I started to look at my man and his actions, his, love language.

He always treats me with respect.  He always listens when I talk (even if I am rambling on about something he isn't interested in), he calls me during the day and says "Baby baby, I just wanted to hear your voice".  He kisses me good night every night and good morning before we drive off to work together.  He calls me "The Girl" and always says when asked to do something, "I will have to check with The Girl".  He never questions my whereabouts, he trusts me explicitly.  He always goes to bed before me but within minutes, is calling out to me, telling me "Janeen it's getting late" and he never turns the light out unless I have come to bed.  

He talks about me with people and always says he doesn't understand how my heart can be so big and unconditional, and he smiles at me when I say I can't watch a documentary about animals in the wild because I cry if I see an animal in pain.  If I see a cute dog, he says before I get the chance to say something "no, you can't have one, we already have enough" and he always looks at me with love shining in his eyes, even when he is angry with me..(usually for good reason).  He loves me regardless of the way I look.  The only comment he has ever made about my weight is that he wants me to lose it because he doesn't want to be living without me and he worries about my health, not the way I look.  

He may sit on the couch and watch sport from countries I have never heard of, and he might breathe heavy when he is eating which drives me mad, and he may not put empty bottles in the bin, but tonight he is cooking dinner, and he is asking me if there is anything he can get me, and he did the dishes and made me a cup of Chai, just the way I like it.

So my closing thought is this, to anyone that is listening.... be sure when you are looking for that special someone to show you love, that they aren't already doing it....... their way, telling you using their love language, just how special you are to them.