I find myself asking the same old question every now and then. Am I happy?
I should be happy. I have a great life, a good job, a man who loves me, makes me laugh, and whom I trust with my darkest thoughts and deepest feelings. He enables me to be my own person and accepts that about me. He is his own person and he and I fit well together. I certainly wouldn't be without him by choice.
I have an amazing family, three sisters who in their, and my worlds, all deserve medals for bravery, awards for their integrity and honorable mentions for being role models in my own life. I have friends from around the world. I have met some, some I have yet to meet and others will probably only every be friends on the other side of a keyboard, but the are still friends just the same.
I have a roof over my head, food on my table and two pets that show their love to me every time I come home from being away. I have the ability to see, to speak, to think, to make up my own mind, I have a soul that listens to music and a body that wants to dance to it. I have reasonable good health, nothing some weight loss wouldn't find beneficial. I don't drink to excess (too often), I can laugh, I can walk, I can do everything an able bodied person should be able to do.
So am I happy? There has not been anything in my life happen that I haven't been able to either overcome, celebrate or achieve, or leave behind without learning the lesson that goes from it having been a part of my world. There have been trials and tribulations sure, but to some, my life has been an easy ride down easy street and to others it has been nothing but an uphill climb since my early teenage years.
I have been bullied and probably even bullied myself, but I would never do it intentionally. I stop and help strangers, cuddle children and love with an open heart. There is so much that I can and will do, but I am happy?
I may not have laugh lines around my eyes, but I put that down to a good skin care regime rather than the fact that I don't laugh. Because I do. I laugh all the time. I may not be the world's prettiest person, but I am not coyote ugly and I don't know of any man that has bitten their arm off in order not to wake me over the years. I get tired, and I yawn and I crave my bed, but I can only sleep for a couple of hours at a time, after that, I am wide awake for a couple of hours, then I go back to sleep again. Is this healthy? Probably not, but it works for me most of the time and when it stops working, I just crash on the couch for the weekend and catch up.
So again I ask myself the question, am I happy? I have a father who is terminally ill, an aunt who passed away on Saturday, and I have spent the whole of Friday night of the last weekend in hospital with my partners parents - yes both of them. I have aches in my body because I keep forgetting to take my vitamin D, and my favourite TV program is still about 8 weeks away from being back on TV. I am wishing my life away all because of a TV program. Can you believe that!!
I have all these things in my life. I live a life that is filled with music, even if it is only in my head, and I have a life filled with words, that I put down on "paper" and I write stories, poems and blogs just because I can.
So am I happy - #HELLYES !!!!
Sweetie, first of all, I hope Steve's parents are doing better. I pray that your dad and your aunt are comfortable and not in pain. I send them all comforting energy.
ReplyDeleteI was so happy to read how positive and upbeat you are feeling! You truly are a beautiful woman and I am grateful to know you. Your words will resonate with me as I struggle through my demons. Luv ya, kiddo! xxoo
I really enjoyed reading your post. It makes me happy to know that you're truly happy. Although we met through Batb, I hope we continue to be friends online and I look forward to meeting you in person one day. People come into our lives for a reason, and I believe wholeheartedly that you are that angel, who was dispatched by God to help me find my way back from the valley of despair. Since meeting you, I've peeled back layers of myself, challenged my abilities, and found a confidence I didn't know I possessed. So, when I say I'm happy that you're happy, I mean it from the bottom of my heart. We may not talk for days, months, or even years, but know, that doesn't remove you from my heart or my mind.
ReplyDeleteWhen you feel you have the weight of the world on your shoulders, think of all the people you've assisted, how all the minuscule gestures made by you, have greatly impacted the lives of so many. Over the past few months, I've read several posts of yours, detailing how you've aided people in need, in some instances, against your own better judgement. In the aftermath, the residual effects seem to claw at you, stalking you, even compelling you to question if you did everything you could in said situations. Maybe the doubt isn't in if you did the right thing, but are YOU doing the right thing. Perhaps your calling is staring you in the face, waiting on your acceptance. Whatever happens, I hope you continue to share your journey with us.
With one push of a key, or a simple stroke of a pen, we can change the lives of thousands or even millions. It is up to us how we use this powerful weapon called words. I'm elated you're using your words in a positive way, doing a service for the greater good. Your blog is frank and honest with a great transparency of your own personal issues. Keep sharing your inspiring, thought-provoking, and eye-opening stories with us. I hope opening the door to your beautiful mind and inviting us all in, helps you as well as I know it will help the masses who read your words.
Dearest Beautiful Omega, thank you for your words.
DeleteAs I write this message back to you, the flood gate of tears has been open and are helping to heal any hurts I may have. I have stared and reread your message a few times now, (albeit through tears) and I totally believe you are giving me too much credit for your amazing journey through this world and your kiss ass I can do anything attitude.
I can only take your words as your truth and to that I say to you my friend, I am honored to be among the people you think of and pray for, but I am totally at a loss as to repay you for your comment and the feeling it provoked within me.
Thank you my friend, for taking the time to read my posts, blogs and poems, for leaving for me, a beautiful and stunning message of love and support and empowerment. I can never repay you for the words you have written nor tell you how much they mean to me.
Be with Angels always my friend, because you truly are a living one for me.
Thank you. No repayment is needed. Something told me I needed to type the words swirling around in my head. I tried to talk myself out of it several times, but in the end I gave in. I prayed before I started typing the message, so I know the words were meant for you. After I posted the message, I saw your post about losing your aunt. I can't really put it into words, but maybe I was the messenger today. Be blessed. Sending you a hug to comfort you during your time of grief.
DeleteOh I just want to reach out and give you a hug, and I wish I was not over the strait because I would. I too ask myself this question offen, and I was about to write a blog post about it.....and like you I find faults in myself and am very hard on myself. I am coming up to my 10 yr wedding anniversary and to be honest as it approaches I think about this question everyday.
ReplyDeleteI am happy, but somedays I really need a hug and those day I try to find a friend even if they are like you said a keyboard friend they are always there. I am hanging out for that tv show too but I know that it is one of the things I have in common with my friends and we can chat about it and that makes me happy.
I really need to get my butt over that strait and see you.