I woke this morning feeling positive about many things. No matter the day’s lesson to learn, or tribulation
that would surface, in reflection of the day’s events I know I always try to
find something good, something that I want to remember and sometimes, something
to reflect on that has taught me a new life lesson.
Already this morning I know that although I am currently
sitting at home because I don’t feel all that great, I am and was at home to
get the news that my favorite TV show is coming to an end and would not be
renewed for a 5th season. Although the
show ending devastates me beyond what many would call reason, the positive is
that I am home and that I get to process what this actually means to me and my
life.
Many of you may think, so what! It’s a television show, it’s happened before
and it will happen again and just get over it but, this is where I believe that
not to be true. This TV show was more
than just people acting out characters on a screen, bringing to life whatever
story line was written for that episode.
This show introduced me to a whole other world that I would never have
known existed without it.
Through it, I have “met” some people that will be lifelong
friends. People whom have always shown
me love and support. They guided me,
advised me, inspired me and have been there for me. We have disagreed, agreed, drooled, dreamed and fantasized about the story lines and chemistry of the actors on our
screen. We have bounded together and
fought for the show that everyone said was not worthy of renewal but we fought
together and managed to get a 4 season show.
I didn’t necessarily agree with the plot lines of the show and sometimes
I totally disagreed with the arch of a characters story, but…. Regardless of
what was happening in this fantasy world, my real world was still knocking on
my door and at times, bulldozing it to the floor.
Had it not been for this TV show, I don’t know that I
would have been able to make it through this year as “positively” as I
have. It is amazing to know that all I
have to do now is sit at my computer and there are a number of people that I
can reach out too. It doesn’t matter what time it is or whether I am dressed up
to the nines or wearing trackies (sweats), I have friends that are 24 hours a
day there for me. I don’t know if there
are many people that can say that. If it
weren’t for this TV show, the support that has helped me through this year
would never have existed. Where would I
be now if that were the case?
Throughout this year I have received flowers, notes, gifts,
little emoticons waving at me or sending me hearts in private messages, I have
had messages of support, words of wisdom and encouragement that whatever I was
experiencing at the time would pass. And
it’s true, I have learned that time is an amazing thing as it enables us
to step away, analyse and rethink, but the love and support from the people
sending the messages to me never wavered
over time and remained my constant.
Sometimes I have felt unworthy of the friendships and
felt that it has totally been one sided for them. They are always there for me, but was I there for them? For this I am truly
sorry and I want them to know, that regardless of what is going on in my life,
good, bad, ugly or indifferent, that I will always be there to return to them,
what they have previously and unselfishly given to me. I don’t want one sided friendships, I want to
be like VinCat and overcome life’s tribulations together, supported and
encouraged always.
When I first got the news that my TV show was going to
end, I asked myself these questions; what do you to when your world goes dark
and you feel that your soul is being ripped from your heart? When something that has helped you through a
tough time is gone, not returning and now I feel like am going to fall apart
again. What now, will be my anchor in
the storm of my life and what do I do now that my secret fantasy world on which
I have found inspiration to write again will be gone? Is it worth me ranting and raving at all that
this is just so wrong that a TV show that bought about the rebirth in the belief that love does
exist for us and united people around our world’s globe, gave us all something
in common and many of us somewhere to call home on the fan pages, is coming to an end?
I’ve lost a lot this year in all different aspects of my
life. I have reached the highest of highs but then
struggled with my own truth and found myself in the depths of despair. I have questioned my very existence and the
meaning of my life and even asked myself am I happy. I have questioned my worth, my values, my
beliefs, my understanding and my motives.
I have even questioned my ideals, and at times my memories. I have doubted everything about what I
believed was the essence of the person I have become over the years.
I have realized that it doesn’t matter what was in my
past, it doesn’t matter where I went wrong, or where I may have made a good or
a bad decision. It doesn’t matter if my
memories are based on fact or fiction, or even if they are different from
another who saw the same event remembers it.
It doesn’t matter if I have millions in the bank or struggle to find 5
cents at the end of every pay cycle and it certainly doesn’t matter if I have
nice nails and perfectly plucked eyebrows. It doesn’t matter what came before this very
minute. All that matters, at the end of
the day, is that I stay positive and believe that with love, support, guidance and
for being open to learning from every person that has come into my life including
those from BatB, that anything is possible.
BatB was a television show, in essence that has enabled me
to look back, reflect, improve or remodel myself. I may have an amazing support system when it
comes to my family and the awesome man in my life, but they aren’t always
awake, and sometimes, they don’t want to listen because they believe they have heard
it all before. Truth be known, they
probably have. Sometimes it is because they
know me so well, that they can be prejudiced in our interactions, in their
advice and in their unconditional love for me.
I feel that through living my life as honestly and as
passionately as I can, that I am living.
It doesn’t matter how I met you or even if I have only ever spoken to
you via a message on a computer screen, I feel that you are now a part of
me. You are all a piece of me that makes
me the person I am. I have listened to
your words of encouragement, reflected on your words of wisdom and reciprocated
your words of love and support and I am so much more because of each of you.
But with the end of this TV show that has given me so
much, my biggest hope is that I remember the things I have learned about myself
and that I don’t lose those amazing people that I have found. I can’t express exactly what each of you mean
to me and I can’t express, although totally devastated by the loss of our show, just
how much I look forward to continue sharing our lives with each other. I can’t wait for the next chapter. We will always have our TV show to remind us
that passion is good, that love is worth believing in and that fighting to stay
together means that you can accomplish anything. BatB has rekindled my love for writing, my
desire to be worth fighting for and the understanding that my hopes and dreams
for a better tomorrow can be realized.
It may have only been a TV show, but it has been one of
the greatest lessons in my life thus far. It has taught me so many things about
myself. It reminded me that I can be
passionate and that passion can be exciting.
I can fight for what I believe in and I can be…, all and anything that I
want to be. Because of the show’s essence
and realization of destiny and because of the friendships that have been born
from falling in love with a TV show and sharing that love with like-minded
people, Beauty and the Beast (2012) will always be more than just “a TV Show”
to me.
