As I welcomed in the New Year at midnight, I sat for a few
moments and reflected on what the year had been and how it had shaped my hopes
and dreams for this new one I had just entered.
They say that you should bring in the New Year the way
you want to spend it. If that is the
case, I will be sitting down quietly reading for most of 2017. The irony to this isn’t lost on me, because
although this isn’t originally how I had planned on spending my 2016/2017 New
Year’s Eve, it is what I ended up doing and what I will be doing a lot of 2017.
I have books to review and edit and tonnes of reading I
want to catch up on because I didn’t get the chance to do it in the year just passed. I have
been accepted into a course this year for emerging leaders and managers and this
means I will be doing a lot of reading, at least 30 hours of reading for each
of the four units I will be studying. Some
of readings will be about recognizing traits within me, some of it about other
people but all of it, aimed at opening doors into my dream job. So may be, the new year prophecy of doing on
the night of the eve of the new year what you plan on doing for the year ahead,
just may come true for me.
Although every day in 2016 I expected to be greeted with
cold dark stare of death, thankfully, each morning I would walk out to the car
momentarily relieved that it was the sounds of life that greeted me. Even though the precarious balance between
life and death resulted in another soul leaving the earth to begin its celestial
life again this year, it was a beautiful end, comfortable. The tunes of a favorite artist greeted the
soul, not the awfulness of being found, cold, alone, gone.
Sadness has been such a big part of the past couple of
years for me and my loved ones. I have
tried not to let it consume me, dictate my day to day feelings or even shine
through every time I opened my mouth. I
have sat and watched the world change, but things for me were the same from one
moment to the next. At times I felt that
if I didn’t drown under the weight of everything that was happening that I was being
driven six feet under. I didn’t have
time to look after myself, I didn’t have time to watch what I was doing with my
own health and I didn’t have time to recognize just how tired I was.
But over the past few days, although I have said this comment to a few people, I have really come to understand just how true it is, that
nothing happened to me last year. Everything
that was going on was happening to the people I loved, my friends, my family,
but I was fine. My man and I were
solid. We were still there for each
other through all the bleak dark days and endless nights. Both of us remained the strength each one of
us needed to rely on.
I have nothing to complain about because I love and I am
loved. I have a roof over my head, a
job, money in the bank and a puppy that welcomes me home every day. I have friends in my life that help me feel
complete and family that I love with all of my heart.
I want to thank every one of you who have been there for
me, who have helped me through the year with messages of support and guidance
through your friendship or who kept me company in the early hours of the
morning as I sat at my computer awake and reading posts. So many times I found myself wanting to be
connected but not always wanting to connect.
Though my silence may have been loud, I was always listening. Thank you so much for letting me be that
person who was able to watch the world from inside my home, feeling safe and
secure as I switched on my computer to see how your days had gone, what
achievements you had made, what was annoying you, what was making you angry,
the people you loved and lost and the memories each of you created living your
lives throughout the year.
Goodbye 2016. I
welcome you, 2017.
© Janeen Hayes 2017
