Have you ever found yourself over reacting to something that is so trivial and so unimportant in the grand scheme of things? I have! Generally for me, this means that I am either hormonal, or there is something bigger going on that I am not quite ready to acknowledge. So I take a minute to sit down, calm and center myself. I usually end up slamming face first into what is really going on when I follow this process.
Yesterday at work, I found myself feeling like my very soul had been invaded. I felt righteous and indignant and I was ready to fight the world. There was no mountain that was big enough to stop me, no hurdle I wouldn't leap, no wall was going to be left standing or door unopened in my quest to be heard about how I believed my privacy was being violated. I was so angry, I was close to tears and almost hyperventilating, I was so downright furious.
I have a work colleague whom I knew would be on my side if I expressed to her how angry I was, well, because this person, is someone who no matter the topic, no matter the time of day, is always negative and anti everything. Generally I find her a very draining person to be around. (Which is a shame really because she really does have a wonderful heart and will help the smallest of creatures and is always in there fighting for her belief of the greater good.) If you say good morning, she will say something to the effect of.....Oh I woke up a minute before my alarm went off, or my next door neighbor left 1 minute before they normally do which meant I had to wait for them to leave before I could pull out of her drive way, or 'Janeen, why is there only 498 pieces of paper in this ream of paper, (a ream of paper has 500) you know, those really small, non significant things that aren't quite right, but really don't matter and mean absolutely nothing.
It was my acknowledgement that I was about to seek her out for the validation of what I was feeling that made me stop in my tracks. Time to re-evaluate what was actually going on in my life that would have me feeling so angry, or reacting to this task at all.
I asked myself the question, 'what is going on with you' as I replayed the events of my life over the past few days and weeks (and can I say, wow, what a few weeks it has been both physically and emotionally). All it came down to was that I haven't been sleeping very well and I am really really tired. Sure there are reasons for my lack of sleep, but at the end of the day, everyone has things going on in their lives that at times keep them awake more often than usual, so why was I so special that I expected everything around me should change, just because I was tired.
All that really happened at work was that I was asked to fill out two forms (which I have been filling out annually since the day I started working here 5 years ago) and in that moment in time, I felt that this information being asked of me to divulge was none of my employers business. Many would agree with me on this, however, I knowingly signed on the bottom line, my time for disagreeing was passed.
I am a big believer of not majoring in minor things, (some people would call it micro-management - me...not a fan.) Working out when I am doing this was tricky at first as it was a conscious decision in the beginning to live in total awareness of being present and evaluating my actions and reactions in the now, rather than in reflection. I did this because I am innately prone to over reacting to the smallest and most insignificant things or taking things way too personally.
Now if something happens that I really want to react to, I don't. I don't react at all outwardly. Internally, I am asking myself, ok, does this really matter at the end of the day.... do I have control over what is going on, because if I don't, then I shouldn't be trying to control it. Does what is happening effect me after this very moment in time, and should it? I am also asking myself, when I leave this moment, and walk into my future (which is only a minute away) is what is going on around me really going to matter? Usually the answer is no. This means when I do react, it is with a clear head and a resolution is usually found with more ease than it would if I was taking it all personally.
So, if you find a light globe is out, turn it back on, it doesn't matter why it went out or when it went out or even if the globe was working yesterday but isn't now.. All that matters is that I know how to fix it, and I know that if I do it now, then the job is done. I don't need to know the why's and how have you's, all I need to do is change the globe and walk on. The rest of it is insignificant and usually not even a blip on the radar of my life.
